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Ask Fr. Leo – Who Gets a Catholic Funeral

[Greeting, Church Fans! The homilies this week are a bit OCIA and parish centric. It has differed at every Mass so far. You can always catch them on the parish FB page by clicking here. Or clicking here: https://www.facebook.com/stpatsak. So, as promised, here one of my “Ask Fr. Leo” columns from the newspaper. Enjoy.]

Dear Fr. Leo

My brother’s wife recently died. She was not Catholic, but she sent the kids to Catholic schools and made sure they had all their sacraments. She would even accompany the family to Mass every Sunday. I’m not sure why, but she never joined the Church. In many ways, she was more Catholic than a lot of Catholics I know. Will she be able to have a funeral Mass in a Catholic church? – G

Dear G,

I am so very sorry for your loss. The question does come up from time to time. Namely, can someone who is not Catholic have a funeral liturgy in a Catholic church? A lot depends on the situation, but it the answer is usually yes.

There are many ways of being Catholic. Those in the OCIA (Order of Christian Initiation of Adults, formerly the RCIA) are usually given a funeral Mass, even though they had not yet been baptized or made an act of full communion. They are very much a part of the Church, even though they have not yet received full initiation.

Similar to that, there are those I like to call, “Catholics by association.” Although not formally Catholic, they are very much a part of the life of the parish. By your description, it sounds like your sister-in-law was an active part of the parish community, coming to Mass, instructing the children, coming to parish events. In such circumstances, it can be possible for her to have a Catholic funeral and be buried in a Catholic cemetery in the family plot.

If it does not seem prudent or practical to have a full funeral Mass, the Funeral Liturgy Without a Mass is a very good option. I did one of these once for a parishioner of mine who had joined the Church, but whose family were all very devout Lutherans. They were not comfortable with a funeral Mass for a variety of good reasons. So, the Funeral Liturgy Without a Mass made sense in that situation. These usually happen at the parish church but can also take place at a funeral home.

Sometimes, it does not make sense to have a funeral in the Church. For example, there was a parishioner whose family of origin was Muslim. Not only did they not like the fact he had become a Catholic, but they were very uncomfortable coming into the church building itself. In that case, simple graveside service made sense. Later, we had a memorial Mass for him with just his widow, their children, and a few close friends and parishioners.

In sum, there are times when a funeral Mass is allowed for someone who is not Catholic. There also some circumstances where that does not make sense. In those cases, there are many pastorally sensitive options to bring comfort the grieving family, and to commend our departed brothers or sisters into the arms of their Lord.

Dear Fr. Leo:

What is this “blasphemy against the Holy Spirit” that Jesus talks about in Matthew 12:31? – J

Dear J,

Good question. It seems simple enough, but it takes a little bit of thought to get to the heart of the matter. First, we must acknowledge the reality of sin. Next, we must contemplate the even more powerful reality of God’s love. When we understand that the Holy Spirit is this very love of God working powerfully in the world, then we can understand what Jesus means when he says that the only sin that cannot be forgiven is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit.

Sin is an unfortunate, tragic, and a potentially deadly reality of the human condition. Even though the stain of original sin and all particular sins are washed away in baptism, we humans are still have a tendency to sin. We try our best, but sometimes we get selfish and fall into sin. The alternative is moral relativism which is simply hiding one’s head in the sand by denying the reality of the human condition.

The joy of the gospel lies in knowing that “nothing can separate us from the love of God.” (Rm 8:38). The Catechism of the Catholic Church confirms this when it says: “There are no limits to the mercy of God…” (CCC, 1864.) The good news is that although none of us is without sin, neither are any of us beyond the love of God.

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Good to Be Here.

     There are certain places that always remain special. For many of us, it is the house we grew up in, or our hometown, our home parish, our high school, the place where you got baptized, engaged or ordained; church, chapel, or meditative place.

       I imagine Mt. Tabor was like that for Peter, James and John. The vision of Christ transfigured in glory, conversing with Moses and Elijah, must have been pretty special for them, especially in light of what they experienced immediately afterwards once they went up to Jerusalem.

In ancient times, a mountaintop was the place to go to encounter the Divine. It’s seems a bit redundant that the Incarnate Word of God would have to do so, since he was already divine, but Jesus took Peter, James, and John up there for their sakes, not his. From that point forward, they are headed to Jerusalem where he will be mocked, scourged, and crucified. So, he gives them a glimpse of his present and future glory to strengthen their faith when these things happened. 

I think all of us have had similar experiences in our relationship with God and others. There are those moments of insight in prayer and in friendships, when you see things as they are with great clarity. Later, life gets messy, confusing, and sometimes scary. Thinking back on that moment of insight gets us through those moments because we know they are not the ultimate reality. That’s what Jesus did for the disciples and that is what he continues to do for us, especially in the Eucharist where we get a foretaste and promise of the ultimate reality of the Kingdom. It is our Mt. Tabor that gets us through the messiness that life often dishes out. 

It is good for us to be here…to gather, to share our sacred stories, to break the bread, and to be sent into a world in desperate need of clarity and hope.

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Priest, King, Savior – Epiphany, 2023

     Merry Christmas, Day 14! We get 15 days of Christmas this year and I am using them all! I just got my Christmas cards out on Wednesday.

       There’s a meme that says if there were three wise women instead of wise men, they would have asked directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole, and brought practical gifts.  There is more, but you get the idea. 

       Let’s talk a little bit about these gifts of the Magi. As the meme points out, they are not  all that practical. Yet, emphasizing them, Matthew is making the point that this little baby Jesus really is the Messiah.

       In the Isaiah 60;1-6 we see the nations coming to worship in Jerusalem, bringing gifts of gold and frankincense. This was for a very good reason. The long-awaited Messiah was to be a great priest-king who would reestablish true worship and the Kingdom of Israel. Gold represents the tribute that would be given a king. Frankincense is the proper gift to a priest who would offer it as a pleasing fragrance to God on the altar of incense.

       Thus, it makes perfect sense that the Magi, representing the nations, would bring gold and frankincense to the new Messiah, as befitted a priest-king.

       But the Magi bring something else—myrrh, an aromatic balm typically used in the preparation of bodies for burial. That seems a bit out of sorts until you realize that the gift of myrrh is a foreshadowing of Jesus’ passion and death. What Matthew is saying is that Jesus is indeed the expected priest-king Messiah, but it is by his passion and death that he will win the victory and establish the Kingdom.

       The gifts are symbolic, not practical. They are also a good reminder to us not to get wrapped in our own expectations of what we expect Jesus to be and pay closer attention to who Jesus really is. Seeing Jesus for who he really is allows us to give a more authentic witness of him to the world. 

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Holy Families

[Here’s some thoughts along with a couple of fun pictures from the Christmas pageant last weekend.]

I hate needless distractions.

**SQUIRREL!!!**

 
But alas, that is exactly what happens when St. Paul’s Letter to the Colossians is read as we celebrate the Holy Family of Jesus, Mary and Joseph. All too often we forget about the first part of the reading and get distracted by the part about “wives, be subordinate to your husbands, etc.” All too often it turns into “Husbands, elbow your wives and wink. Wives, glare at your husbands. Children, look on in exasperation at your parents.” 

We need to be more noble than that. 

If we learn one thing from Our Lord, it is that whether it be in the Church at home, in the Church at the parish, in the Church at the archdiocese, or in the Church universal, any authority exercised in the Church must be exercised in a spirit of loving service to the other. Otherwise, we are no better than secular society where authority is often wielded like a club to beat others into submission. Our Lord says very plainly, “But it shall not be so among you. Rather, whoever wishes to be great among you shall be your servant.” (Mt. 20:25)

St. Paul shows us how. “Put on, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another…” (Col 3:12)

They say that charity begins at home. Nowhere is this more true than in the Christian family. If we want our families to be holy families in imitation of Jesus, Mary and Joseph, we need to take a good look at how they lived.

A good reminder is the statue of the Holy Family in our parish church. Compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, prayer, faithfulness to God and to each other…this is what makes every Christian family a holy family.

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The Source of Our Joy

[Here is the base text, the actual homily has much more. Check it out at: https://fb.watch/o-067RIHvs/]

  If I ever found a religious order (and I just might!), they will not be mendicants, like the Franciscans or the Dominicans, they will be hunter/gatherers. They will hunt and fish and trap and grow big gardens and go berry picking and such so that they can be connected to this land and its people. The habit will also be something special. Based on the Dominican habit, the cowl and hood will be the camouflage that is appropriate for the season. The Capa Magna will also be camo, but be made of fleece lined Gor-tex. In addition to the evangelical counsels of poverty, chastity, and obedience, they will have to take a vow of joy.

       Our Holy Father, whose 87th birthday is today, has hit the nail on the head when he affirms that joy is a hallmark of those who embrace the gospel. Those who open themselves to the grace of God and seek to do his will cannot help but radiate a holy joy. How fitting that the Church asks us to reflect on holy joy on the Third Sunday of Advent, known as “Gaudete Sunday”, which is Latin for “rejoice” or “be joyful.”

       As we do so, it is important not to confuse joy with mere happiness. Happiness is an emotion. Our secular society talks much about “the pursuit of happiness”, but this is an unfortunately misplaced desire. Happiness is an emotion. It is a symptom, the result of something else. No emotion lasts very long. If someone is always happy, we call them “manic” and refer them to a mental health professional. 

       Joy is different.  It comes from a much deeper source. Much to the perplexity of secular society, the Christian can be joyful even in the midst of great trial, illness, or affliction. Many of the Roman officials were impressed and some converted by the joy they saw on the martyrs faces as they went to a most horrible death. 

       At its heart, joy springs from the state of blessedness (“beatitude”) when the will of God and the will of the human person are in perfect harmony.  I had a religious sister exclaim to me once, “You know, Leo, you just can’t beat doing the will of God!” 

       So the first task of the Christian, and the source of our joy, is to discern the will of God, in general and in particular. To get insight into God’s plan for the salvation of the world, I highly recommend a reading of the Pastoral Constitution on the Church in the Modern World, known as Gaudium et Spes. If you want to know what we are all about as the Church in the modern world, read this document.

       Regarding ourselves, discerning the will of God takes time. We need to spend time in silence and prayer. We need to tune out all the noise that seeks to distract or misdirect us, so that we can hear the still small voice that will lead us to know God’s will and therein find the source of our joy.

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Puppies and Advent

[Here is the post with some bonus shots of the new puppy.]

    As most of you are now aware, three weeks ago I went down to South Carolina to pick up a three-month-old Boykin Spaniel to accompany Joy and to go into the field as a top-notch bird dog. My sisters lobbied hard that since she would be a hunter, she should have a kick-butt warrior princess name.  So, I figured, “Heck, she will be at St. Patrick’s, why not name for the greatest warrior queen in all of Irish lore?”  So, she is Maeve, Warrior Queen of the Northern Skye.

       Puppies are cute, cuddly, and full of energy. In the early stages they require constant vigilance as they learn to regulate their bodily functions.  They also teach their humans the virtue of detachment from material things. Turn your back for a minute and your sock, your shoe, the dishtowel hanging from the dishwasher, your scarf, your hat… any and all of these may be attacked, devoured and obliterated in less time than it takes to say a Hail Mary. 

       These twin virtues of vigilance and detachment are essential to what Advent is all about. Advent is a preparatory season. For the first three weeks, we meditate on and prepare for the second coming of the Lord in glory.  Then on the Fourth Sunday of Advent, we shift gears a bit and meditate and prepare to commemorate his first coming in humility. We do not know when the Lord will come again. The temptation is to figure that since he has waited for a couple thousand years, he will probably wait a couple thousand more. Maybe yes, maybe no, but I don’t want to risk it. In the meantime, he comes in all kinds of little ways every day, not to mention how he comes to us in word and in sacrament every time the Eucharist and other sacraments are celebrated. We need to be watchful. We need to be vigilant. We need to pay attention. 

       Likewise, Advent is a time to get our spiritual and our physical houses in order. Part of that process is detachment from those things that get in the way. The first and most obvious spiritually are our sins. Advent is a time to get to confession. But there are other things we need to detach from too, things like attitudes, grudges, ambitions, disordered desire for material things. These clutter up our heart and mind. Get rid of them.

       Advent is also a time to purge all the physical clutter in our lives. Is there a drawer, a closet, a room, a garage, a storage unit that is so cluttered you can’t use it? Get rid of that stuff! If you haven’t used it or worn it in the last two years, you never will.  Get it out of your house and out of your life. 

Here’ s a great way to do that. Every day of Advent, take 20 minutes a day to tidy up a particular space. You’ll be surprised at the progress you make.

       In sum, Advent is about preparation, both spiritual and physical. The virtues of vigilance and detachment help us get there.  Let us pray Our Lord will find us ready when he comes, however he comes.

Okay, here are the puppy pics:  

At the breeder last month, photo by Pam Kadlec.

Maeve and Joy hanging out.

Snow!

A good church dog prays before each meal.
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Peace at Home, Peace on Earth

The homily from the 8:30 AM Mass. There is a bit more than in the text.

     The parish house is located on a little cul de sac with just five houses on it.  I have great neighbors. We look out for each other’s houses when we are gone. Sometimes we have spontaneous dog parties on somebody’s lawn. It’s a great place to be. We all try to be good neighbors.

       In a similar way, I’ve spoken from time to time about how we will know when we have succeeded as a parish in the Muldoon, Scenic View communities. When we have become so much a part of the community that they cannot imagine life without us, then we know that we are there.

       Such a maxim comes directly from Jesus’ teaching in today’s gospel. As he so often does, Jesus takes the question before him and carries it to the next level. This was typical of the style of rabbinical teaching. First, the student would ask a question to which everyone knew the answer. Any seven-year-old Jewish child could have told you. The commandment to love God with all your heart, and soul and strength comes from Deuteronomy 6:4-5. It is known as the Shema Israel and is one of the central refrains of the morning and evening offering. 

       But true to form, Jesus does not stop there. He combines it with another, somewhat obscure commandment from Leviticus 19:17-18. In doing so, he gives us what has become known to Christians as “The Great Commandment” where love of God and love of neighbor are inseparable.

       It makes sense.  How can we love the God we cannot see if we do not love our neighbor who is right before our eyes? Conversely, how can we love our neighbor, if we first do not put our love and trust in Almighty God? Indeed, love of God, must find its expression in love of neighbor. 

       Fine, but how? If we understand, as Thomas Aquinas does, that love intends the good of the other, it begins to make sense. There is a little bit of a theological hurdle here. How do we love God in this sense? God is the ultimate and the highest good. God is self-sufficient and needs nothing from us. How can we intend the good for God, if he is Goodness itself? The quick answer is…we don’t. Instead, the root of loving of God lies in allowing ourselves to be loved by the One who is Love itself. It is our reception and our gratitude of God’s love that opens the door. Then, understanding even partially how much we are loved, we can begin to love our neighbor.

       Loving our neighbor is not “rocket science.” We simply need to intend what is good for them. It starts at home. Then it extends to those who live around us by listening with a compassionate ear. Then it moves to doing the little things that make their lives better. Eventually, we find ourselves moving from simply avoiding doing the wrong deed, to moving to doing the correct deed, and eventually moving even farther into doing the loving deed.

  There was a man who was working from home one afternoon. His wife had to run an errand and so she left their eight-year-old son with him. Since he had a project to work on, he needed a way to keep the boy occupied for at least an hour so he would not be interrupted. Seeing a newspaper on the coffee table, he held it up and noticed a full page advertisement with a picture of the world on it.

“Tell you what, sport,” he said to his kid, “How about we make a puzzle?” So he cut up the picture or the world into dozens of pieces and gave the son a roll of tape. He figured that should keep him occupied for at least an hour.

Ten minutes later his son comes back with the completed puzzle. The man was stupefied. “Son, I’m really proud of you. That’s great work. But I gotta know. How did you do it so quickly.”

“Easy, Pop!” the his replied. When you held up the paper I noticed that on the other side of the page, was a big picture of a boy. I just put the boy together right and the world took care of itself.”

There is wisdom here.

Our heart must be made aright by the love of God

Before peace can become a reality in our homes;

Our homes must be made aright by the love of God

Before peace can become a reality in our neighborhoods

Our neighborhoods must be made aright by the love of God,

Before peace can become a reality in our city, our state…our world.

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Forgiveness: And act of love; an act of the will.

[Hey, Church fans. Ran out of time to post the video. You can check it out on our Facebook page, https://www.facebook.com/stpatsak/ Here’s the text, but if you want the story that makes the homily, you’ve got to go to the vid.

       A scientist was came up to God and said, “Thank you for all your good work, but we don’t need you anymore.”

       “Oh no?” God said. “What do you mean.”

       The scientist replied, “After years of diligent research we now have the means to create life.”

       “Really,” God said, “Please, show me.”

       So the scientist bends down and starts to form a little man out of the clay.

       “Wait,” God said, “No, no, no, no….Get your own dirt!”

       There are many ways in which we are made in the image and likeness of God. For example, we can create, we can love, and in the context of love, we can forgive.

       I have always been struck by the fact that there is no limit to the human person’s capacity to love. Think about it, at what point do you stop loving your spouse, your kids, your good friends? 

       At the same time, it is important not to confuse love with affection, or esteem or infatuation.

       Love is not a feeling. It is a decision that is accompanied by every feeling you can imagine—great joy, great sorrow, great triumph, great tragedy, great encouragement, and great frustration.  Love is hard sometimes.

       Forgiveness is a part of love. So by the same token, forgiveness is hard sometimes too.   

       Thomas Aquinas described love very well when he said that love wants what is best for the other. Often what is best for the other is to forgive them. This is not always easy. Sometimes the offense is so profound and the hurt is so raw, that it’s easy to make the same mistake as so many do with love. It’s essential to remember that forgiveness is not a feeling. It is a decision. As such, it is an act of the will, not of the intellect or the affect.

       It’s a bit paradoxical, but the act of forgiveness is the first thing that needs to happen. We may not want to, but when we forgive the offender, we open the door to grace and most often to reconciliation.

       [The Story of the Duck Blind.]

       I learned that day that forgiveness is a decision, an act of the will that opens to the door to reconciliation.

To forgive the offender, even if they are not repentant is one of the ways where we truly reflect the love of Christ who forgave even those who were crucifying him. It is not only virtuous, but it is essential for anyone who would seek to follow Christ. 

       Love is not a feeling, it is a decision.  Forgiveness is a decision.  Love is not easy. Forgiveness is not easy. It is always worth it.

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Publicly Praise; Privately Admonish

     Remember when we all thought that the internet would lead to a greater access to ideas and information and a more fruitful exchange of diverse opinions? So much for great expectations. Instead we got trolls. Anonymous acrimonious criticisms of those who disagree.

       To quote Our Lord in another context, “It shall not be that way with you.” (Mt. 20:26).

Everyone makes mistakes, but no one likes their mistakes to be broadcast in public. It’s embarrassing and uncharitable. In our present day, when no thought seems to go unposted, we Christians have a moral duty to preserve the dignity of others, even those who sin against us.

Does that mean we are to be a doormat? Of course not. In charity, we also have a moral obligation to the offender to make them aware of the offense so that they may amend their ways and peace may be restored. In today’s gospel from Matthew 18, Our Lord shows us how to engage in grace-filled “fraternal correction.” Step one, take them off in private and let them know how they have offended.

Here are a few hints:

1. Do not surprise them. Set up a time to meet with the offender so they may prepare mentally for the encounter. It can be as simple as, “I would like to meet with you to speak about what happened in the lunchroom. When is a good time?”

2. Focus on the behavior, not the person. Using the formula: “When you…I feel…because…” is a great tool. For example, “When you made fun of that young person, I was very embarrassed for them and for you, because they have a disability of which you may not be aware.” 

3. Make sure they know you have their best interest in mind. Preface your comments with, “You know, we have been friends for some time and I respect you greatly…”   

I know that I always appreciate when someone corrects me in charity. It helps me to be a better person and a better Christian. As a result, I always try to publicly praise and privately admonish. In this way, we can preserve each other’s dignity, establish deeper communion and build up one another in charity. 

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Holy Longing, Holy Sacrifice

For a holiday weekend, we sure had a lot going on.
We had a beautiful wedding this weekend with Jenna and Jake. It was so moving, even the cake was in tiers.

For a holiday weekend, we sure had a lot going on.

       We had a beautiful wedding this weekend with Jenna and Jake.   It was so moving, even the cake was in tiers.

Moving on…let’s talk about the readings that that Church gives us this week.  I’m going to talk about holy longing and holy sacrifice. 

       Jesus’ words to St. Peter seem pretty harsh given that he has just given him the keys to the Kingdom.  What’s going on here?  Why is Peter getting chewed out for thinking like human beings do and not like God does?

Jeremiah helps us to understand the context. What a marvelous passage about how the word of God burns like a fire in his heart.  He has to let it out or he will burst. 

And then the Psalmist who reminds us that our souls “are thirsting for you, O Lord my God.”

       Indeed.  There is a God-shaped hole in our heart, a holy longing for communion from the very depths of our soul, a deep desire for meaning and belonging that can only be satisfied by union and right relationship with God and others. This is exactly what the prophet Jeremiah and the Psalmist are getting at. St. Augustine also quipped, “Our hearts are restless, O God, until they rest in you.”

       The problem, of course, is that we silly human beings are easily distracted (Squirrel!).  All too often we try to fill that holy longing for lasting communion with all kinds of shiny, twinkly things in the world that tempt us. St. Thomas Aquinas observed that these were typically wealth, pleasure, power or honor. Like fast food, they fill us for a little while, but in the end, they always leave us empty, unsatisfied, and discontent. These are the things that Madison Avenue spends  billions of dollars to convince us will make us happy. They are not bad in and of themselves, but if they become our central desire, then we are thinking “not as God does, but as human beings do.”

       This is why Jesus calls his best friend St. Peter, Satan, and right after he gives him the keys to the Kingdom. Like all the disciples, St. Peter is still thinking that Jesus has come to establish the very political kingdom of Israel. He is seeing exercise of power in the way that the world sees and uses power, not as God sees and uses power.

       Jesus sets him straight immediately. Authority and power in the Kingdom of heaven is not simply being able to compel others to do your will. That is domination. Rather, authority in the Kingdom, and thus in the Church, is only fruitful when it is exercised in service to others. Christ himself told us what he means when he said, “The Son of Man have come to serve, not to be served.” He showed us when he washed the feet of the disciples as he instituted the ministerial priesthood at the Last Supper. The exercise of authority in the Church only makes sense when it is done in the context of service to God and others. Sometimes this means great sacrifice. But where love is present, sacrifice comes readily.

       Jesus picked up his cross as the supreme act of service and sacrifice for us. Can we who would be his disciples do otherwise?