Publicly Praise; Privately Admonish

     Remember when we all thought that the internet would lead to a greater access to ideas and information and a more fruitful exchange of diverse opinions? So much for great expectations. Instead we got trolls. Anonymous acrimonious criticisms of those who disagree.

       To quote Our Lord in another context, “It shall not be that way with you.” (Mt. 20:26).

Everyone makes mistakes, but no one likes their mistakes to be broadcast in public. It’s embarrassing and uncharitable. In our present day, when no thought seems to go unposted, we Christians have a moral duty to preserve the dignity of others, even those who sin against us.

Does that mean we are to be a doormat? Of course not. In charity, we also have a moral obligation to the offender to make them aware of the offense so that they may amend their ways and peace may be restored. In today’s gospel from Matthew 18, Our Lord shows us how to engage in grace-filled “fraternal correction.” Step one, take them off in private and let them know how they have offended.

Here are a few hints:

1. Do not surprise them. Set up a time to meet with the offender so they may prepare mentally for the encounter. It can be as simple as, “I would like to meet with you to speak about what happened in the lunchroom. When is a good time?”

2. Focus on the behavior, not the person. Using the formula: “When you…I feel…because…” is a great tool. For example, “When you made fun of that young person, I was very embarrassed for them and for you, because they have a disability of which you may not be aware.” 

3. Make sure they know you have their best interest in mind. Preface your comments with, “You know, we have been friends for some time and I respect you greatly…”   

I know that I always appreciate when someone corrects me in charity. It helps me to be a better person and a better Christian. As a result, I always try to publicly praise and privately admonish. In this way, we can preserve each other’s dignity, establish deeper communion and build up one another in charity.